Parenting

This week I will have a daughter in the double digits. Wait, what? I am so excited and so scared all at the same time. I am not anticipating some of the tough phases that I know I put my mom through, however, I am seeing moments that I am enjoying as I watch her blossom into discovering new things about life and interests.

The toughest part I am finding out, is influence of others. She goes to public school and in an after school/summer program where she learns how different others lifestyles are. Some she knows is not approved in God’s eyes and some she is so innocent and cannot see how it could be dangerous. There are parents that allow certain bahaviors that I would not allow. Some 10yr olds have cellphones {they are just not maturely ready}. It baffles me that some parents do not comprehend modesty and some laugh at obvious disrespect. The list goes on and I am already getting exhausted with what is ahead.

I know that it isn’t going to get any better or any easier. I begin to question, can we be the parents that God wants us to be? Is our influence making a bigger impact? Am I giving my child(ren) enough one on one time? How can I stay consistent when it seems the phases are always changing? These are a few of the questions that I struggle with all.the.time.

Do you? Am I the only one?

I think it is so hard because we expect to see the outcome or result of our efforts right away and with parenting, it just is not that way and never will be. So it seems exhausting and we end up giving in to the small things and eventually the small things become big things and what then? It is even harder, right?

Recently I was listening to a podcast, Parenting on Purpose with Bob Barnes, and he was talking about discipline. He said a lot that stuck with me and I pray that it will continue to encourage me on those harder days.

He reminded me of a few things:

A child will have childish behaviors. Seems like a ‘duh’ idea when you say it, but my reality is that I often have higher expectations, possibly setting myself up for disappointment. Setting more realistic goals and ones the kids can meet and feel proud of when they are recognized will go a long way.

Make a plan early. Don’t be a short term thinker taking the easy way out. Be a long term thinker and take an opportunity for training. My husband and I talk about this often but it seems like it is more of the ‘big things’ like modesty, dating, a cell phone etc. We don’t often talk about the day she slams the door in anger, has a friendship issue, or insists on a lie. There are many new challenges we will be facing and if we prepare for as many of them as we can, we will be able to guide with more wisdom and patience. Oh, I want to be able to do that!

Pursue them. No matter if they act like they don’t want to talk to you, they shut down and want to make you think they don’t need you – they do, even more! Don’t lose them in this time. Intervene and use it for a monumental teaching moment. Pursue them through the good and bad. Um, that seems very scary to me! Too often, I let the day go by without being intentional. Every.single.day counts.

Exhale. Don’t fall into exhaustion. Know your purpose. Don’t give in and don’t give up on what is important. Stay consistent by having a plan. We are the parents, they are children. Roles should be recognized and the power should not reverse. Isn’t that sometimes the case? Or maybe it is just me. ‘I’m tired of saying no – not necessarily to the same question but seemingly to allll of them, so I fall into the “well, okay, just this” or “only one”.’

Consistent parents will be respected more than a tired, effortless parent.

Parenting is not so rewarding in the middle of it all. It’s messy when you can’t juggle everything or feel like you’re not measuring up to the ‘other parents’. It’s scary when you feel distance or don’t have the ‘right answer’. It’s exhausting when you are repetitive yet unheard.

In reality: You’re trying. You care so much. You are physically there. You are doing more than enough. And one day, they will be older and will respect you, love you and love their own children so much. That is me now, a loving mom who is so thankful for my own loving, relentless, tired mom who taught me to be a good mom too.

Psalms 127:3-5 “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them. He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”

So here is to today. A new day. A fresh start. Today I love my kids so much that I discipline them in love no matter how much effort it takes.

Images from disciplr.com